Raven's Diary

…So I’ve started taking art classes. I thought that it would be relaxing and no pressure and revive my creativity! Boy was I wrong…about the relaxing and no pressure part. This isn’t for sissies. The first lesson we were thrown in the deep end to draw a toilet roll inner – yes you read right. One would think ah what’s in a toilet roll inner? Well let me tell you there’s apparently great artistic value in a toilet roll inner. In short – the shape lends itself to the perfect example of tonal value shadowing. LOL – sound easy? I must say I was freeked out as I don’t like or take crits very well and to be immediately have a teacher watch your every pencil stroke and then swoop in to erase a thick line, is scary.

The homework was to draw a full toilet roll with side light in a dark room…well another daunting task. But I did it and it came out pretty good.

Following lesson was to draw your own hand. Let me tell you, holding your own hand like a hand model isn’t fun…my hand went blue eventually. But I, and teacher, were quite impressed with results. I was finally looking as if I had some potential.

So now I await the next class to see what challenge follows…this teacher does not know baby steps!

…that I’ve happened to fall head first into is getting the better of me.

I know I was strong at some point…the middle probably. Now feels like the end…I seem to say “I can’t anymore” alot these days.

I thought once Bentley had been happily settled into his new home that I would get a break, but it wasn’t even 2 weeks when number 5 waltzed happily into our home…another unwanted soul. For a while it was a blessing, he was the perfect babysitter for #4 the uncontrollable husky. Then 1st FEB I get a call to help a policewoman who had picked up an injured abandoned pup on the Addo road. When I got to her home she had already picked up another pup when she collected her son from her mothers. So #6 and 7 happened in a flash. I was suppose to just keep them overnight but hubby couldn’t bare the thought of them been shoved into a cage. So I became instant mother to two 2month olds.

Friday morning was spent at Animal Welfare getting the pups sorted with medications and walking some dogs. It was a hard day. This day, with the combination of tiredness, stress and tender emotions, was not a good day. There were just too many sad cases, in particular a heart wrenching obesely overweight daschund female with serious mange abandonment case. Even though she must be in so much pain, can barely walk let alone relieve herself properly, she still attempted to smile and wag her tail. Her owners don’t love anything.

Half asleep that same afternoon I make my way wearily to the shop to get supplies for the evening…only to spot a beautiful daschund running around the busy main road of our suburb. I stop immediately, cursing. How on earth? Why on earth? After a small challenge I get her, she holds onto me for dear life; like a child who was lost in a crowd and finally spots a familiar face. She’s lovely but I cry because I can’t anymore.

The next day by some miracle or strange coincidence, a client I tell of the story recognises her and where she may live and upon enquiry she does. I’m devastated actually. Scared doesn’t quite describe it, as these people know nothing. I have to do the “right” thing though and take her back. She recognises them. Her name is Lady. I have to educate them on basic animal care and hope for the best. But I can’t get her out of my mind. I want her back with me, only I can give her the love she deserves. She’s too sweet to be living with ignorance. I have prayed every second since stopping at their door.

I look out the window this morning actually hoping that she’s found me again. Tears are literally streaming down my face as I write this. I can’t anymore. It hurts too much. I want to lock myself away. There’s too many idiots and too little time to change the world and my heart can’t take it…