Raven's Diary

…now if anyone knows me well they would say and I would loudly concur that the only time I would run is if something or someone was chasing me! Well it seems like that may have changed, it is still early days to be certain but I’ve started and that’s at least something in the right direction.

Last week I just felt so fedup with myself always starting something and never finishing. A diet here, an exercise plan there, a business idea everywhere… It just gets to me as I never pictured myself for being one of ‘those’ people that give up. Mostly when I looked in the mirror everyday I felt my body was screaming at me ‘you quitter look at what you have let happen’ – it wasn’t the nicest thing to hear every morning but it was true. Being in the lifestyle I’m in though, as blessed as I am, I answer to no one, am accountable to no one and do as I please when I please. This has largle affected and influenced the lazy gene. But all the abovementioned nonsense aside I still never pictured myself to run. A friend, more of an aquaintance but when we do get together which is rare she feels like a caring friend who’s come with you along the years; she has tried to get me running for over a year. Being the good friend she is she said she was waiting for me to decide for myself as no one can make you do anything. I got into contact with her last week and thinking of our impending get together I felt such a pain of guilt that it motivated me to start investigating how I could get running. Because I knew that if I just hit the tar without guidance I would fail. So I literally google ‘ how to run’ and got millions of self help ideas. The one I went with was a program whereby each day you get an email telling you what you have to do that day and the end goal is to run for a full 30 minutes in 3 weeks.

The first two days was a 5 minute walk warmup, 1 minute run, 1 minute walk 10 times and then a 5 minute walk cooldown. It was intense to say the least but with a lot of huffing and puffing and many many positive mantra’s I made it. Well, ‘we’ made it, my dear husband is trying to motivate me to stick to it. It’s rather irritating though that it seems no effort for him while I am gagging for air almost collapsing – not a pretty site I can imagine. Muscles were hurting so much that I could barely walk up the stairs, actually I could barely walk on level ground, it was more of a waddle.

Day 3 was a blessed rest day. But I thought it hilarious when I read the program email saying enjoy your rest day with cross country or a hike. LOL! Silly people. But I did try do some form of activity and stretching – the stretching helped alot with the tension.

Day 4, which was yesterday, I suffered from some food poisoning and was actually rather angry. I just knew now once again a challenge was being thrown at me urging me to quit and you know what I did, I ran! It was an even more intense workout this time it was running for 2 minutes and walking for 1 minute 5 times. You know what – I did it! I didn’t complete the entire workout program but I did the hardest part, cramping stomach and all. You know what surprised me the most is that I could actually run for those 2 minutes. Still gagging and panting for dear life but I pushed through.

I find myself saying ‘I must run I must run’ during the day – I really need to do this, for myself and no one else, I just need others to give me encouragement and care and my friend has offered to do this which I am so thankful for. Chris has also stepped up and is being really great, I even got a massage last night as a reward. Rewards may seem frivolous but let me tell you they are essential. My friend has also kindly informed me that the next 5km race she’s entering me into it whether I want to or not! So I guess I can’t let myself down or those that care about me. I wouldn’t mind more motivation though, I’m afraid at the end of week one that more challenges will be thrown at me to knock me off this tightrope especially with some holidays coming up.

….I’m really impressed with myself lately, I’ve been really adventurous in the kitchen and most meals have turned out so well.

The other night with a power failure the vegetables I had shoved in the oven with the meat while we went for a run wasn’t cooked through by the time we returned and discovered to find no electricity. We had to improvise with a salad instead and I had wondered what on earth I would do with half cooked vegetables. So the next morning I peeled them and deseeded them, put the cut up chunks into a tupperware and placed in fridge. Still had no idea how I would serve them. Then yesterday after feeling quite sick all I wanted was soup and voila the idea hit me. But then I started wondering how would I make creamy thick soup, I had no thickening agents or whatever they are called, I never use stuff like that. The recipe I have in a book for butternut soup used onions and cream, which I also didn’t have. So I remembered a tip I read somewhere that potatoes also add thickness to soups and that I definitely always have in the grocery cupboard.

So off I went about making my concoction with all sorts of things I could find in my fridge, including those power failure sweet potato and butternut. I threw in a handful of other vegetables like baby marrow and carrot and hoped for the best. At the end of about 30 minutes all the vegetables were lovely and soft and so the soup process came to an end with a quick blitz of my handy new hand blender – don’t know how I managed all these years without one. It was really divine and I even got compliments from the caveman ;p

Go check out the recipe on LookingForARecipe

is tomorrow and I for one am usually one of those that hide away on this day as I have nothing to flaunt or admire. But it’s becoming such a scary reality as I get older how many more women (and men) are getting breast cancer. There are many initiatives trying their darndest to make us all aware of this dreaded disease but are we listening? I know I don’t. I know my family doesn’t. I go once a year for a gynae checkup and that’s only because 4 years ago I had a very big scare that opened my eyes to the importance of regular checkups. But I don’t do self exams, well properly anyways, I wouldn’t even know how to do one properly. There are a multitude of online help tools that are freely available to us but do we use them, no; I don’t think so.

My brilliant husband has just launched a wonderful initiative to support what National Cleavage Day is trying to achieve; go check out this site.

Tomorrow I’m going to try make an effort to flaunt my teeny lady lumps, because no matter how big or small they’re mine and I should be proud and blessed that I am healthy and have them.

Now this has been our mantra for just over a year and it’s been easier adjusting than we thought it would have but I just wish the kilo’s would start falling off without any effort.  We have cut out junk food, as this was our staple diet at one stage with me hardly going near the oven unless it was to hide dirty dishes. We have stopped drinking fizzy drinks, which was I think the hardest out of everything to give up as it has such an addictive affect on people.  Adding more fruit and veg has only proven difficult as most supermarkets levels of quality and variety are so poor.

I consulted a personal trainer a few months back in the hope of having someone to be accountable to. I will start an exercise plan with all good intentions and go well with daily activity and then after two weeks one thing will throw me off and I struggle to get back into the habit. That trainer doesn’t seem to have worked out unfortunately and I’m so dissapointed. I got a great eating plan but no follow up has been made. The eating plan is a lot of effort but I saw results in a week if I stick to it exactly; it’s the exactly part which can become quite difficult.

I feel so guilty when I see other people running or leading very active lives and I feel that gene just gets smothered by all the fat in my body, which apparently I have 26% of. I took out some of my old clothes yesterday and just holding them up and wondering how on earth could my ass have fit into that tiny skirt or how could my waist have possibly been so tiny and what the hell happened to all of it and why didn’t I notice the drastic change?

It’s taken me 14 years to pack on 12 kilograms without any effort. I sincerely hope it’s not going to take longer than that to get rid of it…

Someone  is always one step ahead of me and I am getting so fed up about it. I’ve been wanting to create a holistic and alternative pet supply website since last year already, but I just keep letting things get in my way. Now today I find out that someone that I really don’t like and I don’t think really likes animals has started a sideline business selling alternative food for dogs. It grates me to no end. Also this person has the worst telephone manners and should rather work at Telkom than something which requires passion and commitment.

Why is it that you might have all the ideas but never the drive to go through with any of them? I am seriously staring at my white board right this minute and seeing all my ideas I wrote down last year and non of them I have pushed forward with. Why does it feel like theft when someone else actually runs with your idea when you barely know them?

What is it going to take to make my dream happen? Action plan is probably the first step. The how, when, where, who, what???? Oh and capital!!!! Now there’s probably the biggest drawback – starting capital. The risk of whether it’s going to work or not. The stress of wondering is probably my worst fear. I could probably come up with a million excuses but just let one person take over my dream and I am mad as hell.

Well, let’s see what I can do to make at least one of these ideas work…